The Past: Life’s unexpected turns
2015 was quite a roller coaster ride for me. It had left me feeling emotionally drained and somewhat lost. I couldn’t wait for 2016 to start as I saw this as a way to find myself again after a year of disappointments, loss and heartache. As we all know life sometimes doesn’t go according to plan. We meet new people and establish new relationships and discover something called LOVE and for that very moment we feel like life kind of makes sense now. However, life doesn’t always make sense or go according to plan. It often surprises us. Sometimes in a pleasant way and other times….well, not so much. Broken relationships or loss of a loved one aren’t easy, whether it is with a family member or a lover. Either way, it is never easy. This is because the one thing we strive for in life are relationships. It’s how God created us. To establish different relationships with different people. We were not made to be completely alone in this world. So our heart yearns for companion of some sort. We were made to love and love hard. However, when relationships are broken or lost it leaves us feeling empty, as if the world is no longer worth living and there is no longer purpose in waking up each day. As if our heart has been snatched out of us. The pain can be so deep that we feel our life only mattered because of a certain person. And when that certain individual departs our imaginary bubble of “love”, life all of a sudden no longer makes sense. We search for answers in all sorts of places. We look for things to fill the void that we now feel at the absence of a certain human being. You are not alone.
I felt all sorts of emotions when a certain relationship ended. Though my faith in God remained unchanged I felt so lost! Confused and an emotional wreck. I started to take matters into my own hands without realising where I was putting God in all of it. I was so consumed in my feelings that I didn’t realise how far I had pushed Him away. I was so fixated on the loss of the relationship. How does one bring their self to live again after being so accustomed to having that person around in their life then all of a sudden, they are no longer there. Or the pain seems so unbearable that you realise you can’t have that person in your life anymore even though your feelings are telling you something else. How does someone adjust to that? There were so many questions circulating my mind and couldn’t bring myself to ask anyone. These questions were slowly suffocating me. Each day became harder and harder and the burden kept getting heavier and heavier. It started to become difficult for me to hide how I was feeling. The one person I would usually run to, my mother, who is my rock and best friend, was not around at the time. She had been away for a couple of months overseas so I didn’t really know how to handle myself and what I was going through. I needed guidance. I needed someone to remind me that it will get better. But just nothing I was doing at the time was helping. I was left with the only hope I had and that was to continue PRAYING! I needed to talk to someone and with Mum being away, I was left with one option and that was God. I really didn’t have any other option at this point. I started to talk to God through prayer and started to seek wisdom through His word more often than usual. The first couple of attempts I felt like I was still alone. I felt alone in my prayers. As if God wasn’t listening to me. However, I continued to plead to God to help me deal with the piercing pain. To help me lift the heavy burden that felt like weights crushing me into pieces. I also continued to ask God to lead me to people that could help me deal with the hurt. At this point, I was desperate for His help!
Days passed and I started to feel some weight lifted off me. I felt a sense of peace as time went on. But the pain was still there. One day I was at work and I felt God say to me to txt a friend (whom I don’t have a close relationship with but had given me her number a couple of months prior when I bumped into her at a community function). This friend is a strong Christian woman so I knew that this must be from God. However, I hesitated because I was thinking how random my txt might appear to her. For about 5mins I was contemplating whether or not to txt her. It suddenly dawned on me that I had been praying and maybe this is God’s way of helping me. So, I sent the txt asking her if she would meet up with me over dinner. To my surprise, she messaged back saying she had been thinking of me and had no idea why. This was definitely confirmation that God was at work. This was so significant to me because it was really the start of my healing. I will never forget how emotional I was when I entered her house. I was a mess! But this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Slowly God started leading people to me that had always been in the background but were never closely knitted to me in the past. It’s amazing how God works. He led these beautiful people into my life at this exact period, not only to counsel me but to also encourage and remind me of His goodness. To remind me that this was a season in my life that will eventually pass. I could not thank God enough for these people.
During one of the lowest moments in my life, they were there. They reminded me that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. They didn’t realise how much light and warmth they bought into my life through their presence. They were my rays of sunshine during this cloudy season in my life.
It is so important to surround yourself with positive and Godly people. People that lift up your energy at their presence. Positive people are the kind of people you want in your close circle of friends. And I thank God because of his love these people were able to share His love to me through their kindness and compassion. They were proof of God’s unconditional and constant love for me! They are the “lifetime” kind of people. The ones you will probably have in your life forever. These beautiful souls were the first step to my healing process.