Present: Trusting the process.
God allows us to go through hardships to help us learn and grow in our faith. There have been moments of tears with friends and family and this is a big deal for me because I am never one to show weakness or vulnerability. But it’s ok to be weak. It’s ok to cry. If anything it allowed me to breathe a little lighter. The bottling of emotions was suffocating me. I was at a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to express the pain I was feeling. Once I did that, I felt lighter! After many conversations with friends and family, I began to accept that some people were due to take their exit at this particular moment in my life. By doing so, I was actually allowing God to bring new people in. It’s important to know that like most novels, some people are only meant to play a chapter in your life. Others will be main characters and will play a role throughout your entire story. People will come and serve some sort of purpose in your life and then leave while others will remain. I started to realise this and it finally made sense. I had to allow the process.
It’s amazing how the most darkest times in life pushes us to realize things we never thought we were capable of being. Hardships allows us to be pressed and stretched out so that we realise our full potential. Sometimes it takes being at the lowest point in life to realise and appreciate life much more. It’s impossible to say we will never experience some sort of hardship or difficulties in our lifetime. It’s inevitable, it’s part of life. It helps us to grow, learn and to live right. It helps us to appreciate and be grateful for the many blessings and the simple things in life that we often take for granted. There is always a lesson to be learnt. For me, during these moments of darkness and emptiness I found love. God’s unconditional, constant love. The kind of love that is irreplaceable, that is loyal. No other human can really offer. It was a love that came with peace and reassurance that everything will be ok. With each prayer I felt a little pinch of love, peace and hope. Then, I felt God say “just trust me.”
As I listened to the song Trust in Me by Lauren Daigle I began to understand what God meant when he said…”just trust me.” The chorus of this song says, “when You don’t move the mountains I’m needing you to move. When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through. When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You. I will trust , I will trust, I will trust in You.” I realised, God has a plan for me and He knows what is best for me. My ways are not His ways neither are my thoughts His thoughts. I knew that If I wanted to live to my fullest potential, I had to let God work even when things didn’t seem to make sense at that very moment. Trust meant letting go and allowing Him to take control.
You see God knows what we need and what our heart desires. Despite the hurt, it was comforting to know that God has my life in his hands. That if I keep my eyes fixed on Him, he will direct my path. “Trust me.” Those words alone gave me the determination and will-power to wake up and realize, there is a reason why God gifted me with a new day. We all have a purpose in this life. God created us for a purpose. It is our goal to find out our purpose and fulfil it. As I began to find the pieces to my life puzzle I realized what was happening. I realized the exact situation I was in was actually part of God’s plan for my life. Little did I know, God was at work. He was closing doors in my life that were hindering me from fulfilling my purpose. I learnt that very quickly because so many things were changing around me. I was out of a relationship, many business opportunities were creeping up and many people started entering my life, all in this exact period. In this trusting and praying process, I realized that in order for me to receive God’s blessings over my life I had to accept what was happening. I had to let the past go and look to the future by trusting God.
Being a control freak, this was easier said then done. It was a huge challenge for me to just let God deal with it. The world tells us to be in control and get things done. But faith requires us to bring God to the forefront of our circumstance and allow Him to deal with it. I felt the only thing I could control was my attitude towards life and towards others. I decided to channel my time and energy to bettering myself. I needed to have a lot of “ME” time. I began to explore myself again and analyse my life. I felt I got a bit lost in the relationship and forgot about myself in the sense that I lost my drive and purpose. I wanted to work on myself and look at things I needed to change to be ME again. In order to fully do that, I knew I had to limit my access to social media. I didn’t want my past to continue to affect my decisions and wanted nothing from it. The memories were quite enough. So, I deactivated my facebook account for a whole year and got myself a new number. That was by far one of the best decision I made. It started off with my best friend challenging me to go off Facebook with her for a year. She couldn’t have challenged me at a better time. It really gave me the peace that I needed. To just be in my own world without the constant updates of people and their lives was pretty awesome!lol I couldn’t have cared less at this point. I needed to deal with my own sanity. To kind of get my head around what was happening and the changes taking place, I started to get into the habit of reading a lot of books, going to the gym, spending time with friends and going to the beach to just think and soak in the smell of fresh sea water (which I absolutely loooove). I have quite a hectic schedule with work and Church as well as family commitments so the beach is where I go to to get away from the noise of life. I caught many sunrises as well as sunsets during this “me” time. Captured a lot of it on my phone as you can see on the blog. The beach has always been my happy place. There is something about the sound of waves crashing the shore and smell of sea water that calms me. It’s very serene. I would go to the beach or somewhere with a beautiful view to reflect, think and talk to God. Every alone time I had, I used to talk to God.
It helped tremendously! I began to feel his peace more and more. I started to write down goals that I wanted to achieve and started planning for the future. God slowly started to strengthen not only my Spirit but also my heart and mind. I felt confident again in myself and in God’s plan for my life. All sorts of ideas started to pop up in my head and I would write each one down. It got me excited. As well as spending time with God, I also made time for my family and friends. I went on a lot of coffee and wine dates as well as traveled with family to various parts of the world such as the U.K, Fiji and Australia. Also had long phone conversations with friends from overseas who kept me in their prayers. I was very grateful and felt so blessed. They all played a part in my healing process.
Each experience is a lesson. Life will be full of them and it’s important for us to understand this. If we look at these hardships as lessons, we will never have to feel discourage or lonely when a person walks out of our life for whatever reason. We will fall but we will get up again because we know our purpose is much greater. When we place our happiness and trust in God, no one really has the power to disappoint us. Because no matter what they do, our source of happiness does not come from them but from Him. Though this was one of the lowest moments of my life, I came out of it a different person. Stronger. Greater. Confident. Determined. Driven. I was no longer bind by the hurt and pain. I was no longer the same person. Personal growth was the result of choosing to trust in Him. I had to believe that God was shaping my life. He is the one in control. And He will use what is bad for good.
I challenge you to open your eyes and see beyond your circumstances. Ask God to give you strength and wisdom to overcome whatever it is that is hurting you. God will work with you to conquer! We were made to conquer. Victory awaits you and at the end you will celebrate. Time heals! Use the time to focus on YOU again. Find yourself again. I guarantee you, one day you will look back and realise you had to go through what you went through in order to get to where God wants you to be. That in itself is a blessing! Believe it. Own it!